Introduction

Marriages, like people, can sicken and die. The sickness of marriage may be acute or chronic, mild or severe, general or limited to one aspect of the relationship, one part of the "body." It may be progressive or recurrent, obvious or hidden, com­parable in all these respects with the sickness of persons.

The sickness or death of marriage, however, will generality have wider and more far-reaching consequences than the sick­ness or death of persons. Mental illness, delinquency, vandal­ism, gangsterism, crime, alcoholism, "accident proneness," and many other distressing and costly social disorders can all too often be traced back to a kind of "psychic malnutrition" in childhood—to the deprivation of the kind of love and security that are as necessary for the development of stable personalities as food and fresh air are necessary for the development of stable bodies. The sickness and death of marriages may there­fore be regarded as of national significance, perhaps even as the greatest internal threat to national stability.

Sick and broken marriages, like sick and broken persons, can be healed. Better still, such tragedies can often be pre­vented by better and more universal preparation for marriage and parenthood. The increasing realization of these great facts has led to rapidly expanding efforts in practically every country in the world to devise and carry out appropriate measures for the prevention—and healing—of marital disorders. These efforts form one of the great creative social enterprises of this twentieth century, and the present decade will certainly be marked by continuous development and expansion of all aspects of the work.

This book is mainly concerned with the healing of marriage through the kind of service known as marriage counseling. The aim has been to make it a practical handbook for the increasing numbers of people throughout the world who are equipping themselves and offering their services in formal marriage counseling, and also for those who may find them­selves involved in less formal but serious attempts to help rela­tives, friends, clients, parishioners and patients in marital difficulties.

For the experienced marriage counselor, this volume may do little more than offer an interesting account of how another marriage counselor feels about the work. For the less ex­perienced and more recently trained marriage counselor, and for counselors in training, it may prove a useful source for reference.

For people with little or no training or experience in marriage counseling who may at times be confronted by marriage part­ners in urgent need of help, and even for some married people in their own marital conflicts, it may, it is hoped, provide some fruitful ideas, and some guidance as to how such be­wildering and distressing situations may be handled most effectively, or at least without doing harm.

But this is not intended in any way to be a "do it yourself" book. As will be clear from its contents, no book can make a good marriage counselor. But there does seem to be need for a book which offers some detailed practical help in the very delicate and complex work of marriage counseling, to supple­ment the training that counselors may have received or may be receiving, and possibly to inform interested people some­thing of what marriage counselors seek to achieve and how they set out to do it.

For purposes of discussion the process of counseling as described in this book has been "taken to pieces" to some ex­tent in a manner that would not generally happen in the actual practice of counseling. But although the various sections of the work would always tend to overlap and become mixed up with one another, the counselor needs to have some clear and balanced comprehension of where he is and what he is deal­ing with at any stage in the counseling, so that he can avoid being too much "caught up" in the possible confusion of the partners who seek his help.

In this artificial, yet logical, separation of the elements of the counseling, it has been found necessary to allow some occa­sional repetition, for which the reader's indulgence is requested. When any such separated portion is studied separately there is then less risk that an important point may be overlooked.

In formulating and expressing his ideas and insights about the healing of marriage the author is happy to acknowledge a very wide indebtedness.

He is indebted first to a large number of married couples who have allowed him the privilege of their confidence, and with whom he has looked at the many and varied difficulties and conflicts which have threatened their marriage and family life. From these distressed people more than from anyone else he has learned, and is still learning, most of his insights about the healing of marriage. But his ability to profit by such oppor­tunities would have been seriously diminished if he had not been given much help by many first-class authorities in this field, some of whom merit special acknowledgment.

Professor David R. Mace has given constant inspiration and encouragement since 1952 through his personal friendship and the generous sharing of his deep experience by word and through his many writings. The National Marriage Guidance Council of Great Britain, with which the author enjoyed per­sonal contact in 1952, has pioneered the "lay counselor" ser­vice and established the sound foundations and effective work­ing methods on which similar work in many other countries, including Australia, has been based. To that body and to its secretary, A. Joseph Brayshaw, the author owes a continuing debt of gratitude.

He is also deeply indebted to the directors and administrators of many marriage counseling training centers in the United States of America for their generous personal friendship and help during his visits to them in 1958. In particular he would mention Dr. Karl Menninger of the Menninger Foundation, Topeka, Kansas; and Robert G. Foster, Ph.D.; and Dean John­son, M.A., formerly of their Marriage Counseling Service. Also Emily Hartshorne Mudd, Ph.D., and her associates at the Marriage Council of Philadelphia; Aaron L. Rutledge and his associates at the Merrill Palmer School at Detroit; and Paul Popenoe and his associates at the American Institute of Family Relations at Los Angeles.

Nearer home, the author would acknowledge with contin­uing gratitude the fellowship and constant inspiration of his colleagues at the National Marriage Guidance Council of Australia since its formation in 1953, and at the Marriage Guidance Council of Victoria since 1949, together with the Marriage Councils of the other Australian States. In the con­stant struggle to keep the work going and to establish public confidence in it, the author and his colleagues have learned many useful things, and discussed many of the matters in­cluded in this book.

Finally, the author would pay a very sincere tribute of gratitude to his wife, who has taught him many practical things about marriage, and set an enduring pattern and standards of marriage which has made many of his efforts possible, and whose patience and forbearance in the author's work and in the typing of the manuscript of this book has involved con­siderable sacrifice. To her this book is most appropriately and affectionately dedicated.

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